A Country Without Health Care

Kevin, I miss those times that you would reach for my hand in the cold of winter. I miss those times that you would reach for my hand in the heat of summer. And I know that your short life can't reach the dawn of spring, but in heaven, you will reach me with your wings. ( Edited by Mem) 

It's All I have To Hang On To

We would have been married 10 yrs. today and together almost 11 yrs. Last night I thought about how we had more hours of talking time in then most couples who have been married 50 yrs. It hurts my heart that some people only took notice of our rough times and never looked at the many days, nights, hours and years we spent cracking each other up. But I will always know the life and the fun we had together.  Our camping trips were always the best, especially in your Dad's old RV.  If people only knew of the many hours we spent pretending to be artist; painting and sculpting into the wee hours of the night.  Comparing our work, laughing at each others projects and yet, we were always each others greatest fan.  It would take me a life time to put into words what these past 11 yrs. have meant, how they changed my life and the things we did together, but before I met you a year seemed like forever, after you time passed by so quickly and I just wanted it to slow down, I wanted more time.

I thought about how I looked forward to meeting you in the bathroom each morning for our cup of coffee and our two hour meeting about everything, especially politics and now mornings can be some of my loneliest hours.

Broken Hearted
In Memory Of Kevin McDermott
Sept 1957-June 2011

Last night I laid in bed and thought about us and the past 11 yrs. and I wept as though it had happened yesterday.   I cried for what I have lost.  I cried for the time you so wanted on this earth and lost.  Most of all I cried because I am afraid that I will forget the sound of your voice.  I'm afraid I will forget the sound of your laughter, the touch of your hand.  I'm afraid that the memories will begin to fade and you will slip away forever.

I wanted to write something to you these past 8 months but I  really didn't know how to put this kind of sorrow into words  and sometimes it just didn't seem like enough. So I put it in a painting, knowing I am not a "real" artist, but knowing you would be my greatest fan!  I love you and miss you everyday Kevin!   ♥Mem

A Message To My Friends....

I know that many of my friends on FB and Twitter are probably wondering if I have gone insane.  The answer to that would be, temporarily! Many of my postings after Kevin died were filled with anger and bitterness and then I hit a low where I was no longer angry, just sad.  I just haven't had it in me to fight anymore.  Talking politics was the way Kevin and I started our mornings over a cup of coffee.  Without him, it didn't seem important anymore.

I have spent most of my time these past months sitting on the back porch staring out onto the property.  (It is still hard for me to believe that almost a half a year has passed, it still feels like yesterday) Asking why, crying a lot and trying to find a glimpse of Kev in the sky, the tree's, the animals or anything around me.  I have spent most of my time trying to wipe out the memory of that last day, the guilt, the sadness, the unbelief and the horrible pain it left in my heart.

The Crowd Cheered, Yelling "Yes! Let Him Die" And He Did.....

We both loved Halloween and dressing up!

 You would have been 54 today and I think about how you always wanted to live to be old....and I wish you were here so I could whisper in your ear....Happy Birthday Baby!

It's been about four months now since my husband Kevin died and I still relive that moment over and over again in my mind.  I think back to a time when life didn't seem so difficult and to a man that had done everything right as a father, husband and as an American.  He worked hard throughout his adult life, paying taxes, paying into SSI and building a retirement fund for when he grew old.  He gave to the poor, helped his neighbors, took care of his aging father and did right by and loved his daughter Lauren as she grew to be a woman.  He loved and helped my children and was a good grandfather to Selah, a good son, brother and an amazing friend to everyone including me.