My Life

A Message To My Friends....

I know that many of my friends on FB and Twitter are probably wondering if I have gone insane.  The answer to that would be, temporarily! Many of my postings after Kevin died were filled with anger and bitterness and then I hit a low where I was no longer angry, just sad.  I just haven't had it in me to fight anymore.  Talking politics was the way Kevin and I started our mornings over a cup of coffee.  Without him, it didn't seem important anymore.

I have spent most of my time these past months sitting on the back porch staring out onto the property.  (It is still hard for me to believe that almost a half a year has passed, it still feels like yesterday) Asking why, crying a lot and trying to find a glimpse of Kev in the sky, the tree's, the animals or anything around me.  I have spent most of my time trying to wipe out the memory of that last day, the guilt, the sadness, the unbelief and the horrible pain it left in my heart.

Throw Me A Line And Pull Me Back In.....

Our Son-Aaryn Russell

July 15, 2011
Kevin, Since you've been gone I have had a huge, empty hole in my heart. Last night I fell into it and I cried...again... Everyday I fall into the darkness of that hole and by the time I have pulled myself out the night has fallen and I have forgotten what it is to see the light of day.  Someday I will fill that hole with memories but for now...I just want to breath again! ♥ Mem