Dear Dingbats...

...... who wish to secede. I have good news! Since it would be impossible for each state to come up with the money to buy the land from the federal government I have come up with a solution. If y'all move to Texas, throw your money into one pot then I really think you could pull this off.

For all the millions who did not sign the
petition, they are probably the middle class so just do what you do best and hold them hostage.

The really good news, you could fight Mexico for the land again and we all know you guys appreciate a good fight! 

Romney will bring all the bayonets and horses you will need. Ryan will bring your vouchers and ladies don't worry about being raped and pillaged. Your body will shut that down.
 

You will especially love this part. Once there, the religious right will let you know what you can and can't do so you will never have to think for yourselves again. 

The cast of Fox as well as Limbaugh and the Koch Brothers will be there to sign your teabags. (I think you could sell them on E-bay for extra vouchers, especially if they have a picture of Jesus on them but remember to put back a little money for international shipping)

If you run into Donald Trump and he ask to see your "Gift Certificate" don't freak!  You can get one at Macy's or have one shipped from China!

We will be keeping all of the teachers, schools, books and scientist since you won't be needing them. In return you can keep your guns, we have our own.      

In these troubling times we continue to ask ourselves what would Jesus do? Knowing the answer to that we request that you send us all gay and lesbian people and anyone you see that might be a little different then you! 

We know that you will be more than happy to send anyone that is NOT White to us! Make sure that you especially send all the ones that are "Black" as our leader will STILL be "Black" and it is better that we keep them all together! 

Don't forget, you will no longer be allowed into the United States and will be deported back to Texas if caught so please remember to take Grandma with you. (If you get bored or she becomes annoying you can always throw her off the cliff.) 

I think that you should be made aware that Austin has asked to withdraw from the state of Texas and remain a part of the United State so we get the bands, the music, the hippies and Willie! (You can have the crappy weed from Mexico, we plan to grow our own)

One last thing, You can send the money for Texas directly to me.
(I will need market value) Please send cash only! 
Sincerely, Mem