* If you grow up in Hawai i, raise d by your grand paren ts, you' re exoti c, diffe rent.
* Grow up in Alask a eatin g moose burge rs, a quint essen tial Ameri can story .
* If your name is Barac k you' re a radic al, unpat rioti c Musli m.
* Name your kids Willo w, Trig and Track , you' re a maver ick.
* Gradu ate from Harva rd law Schoo l and you are unsta ble.
* Atten d 5 diffe rent small colle ges befor e gradu ating , you' re well groun ded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brill iant commu nity organ izer, becom e the first black Presi dent of the Harva rd Law Revie w, creat e a voter regis trati on drive that regis ters 150, 000 new voter s, spend 12 years as a Const ituti onal Law profe ssor, spend 8 years as a State Senat or repre senti ng a distr ict with over 750, 000 peopl e, becom e chair man of the state Senat e's Healt h and Human Servi ces commi ttee, spend 4 years in the Unite d State s Senat e repre senti ng a state of 13 milli on peopl e while spons oring 131 bills and servi ng on the Forei gn Affai rs, Envir onmen t and Publi c Works and Veter an's Affai rs commi ttees , you don' t have any real leade rship exper ience .
* If your total resum e is: local weath er girl, 4 years on the city counc il and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7, 000 peopl e, 20 month s as the gover nor of a state with only 650, 000 peopl e, then you' re quali fied to becom e the count ry's secon d highe st ranki ng execu tive.
* If you have been marri ed to the same woman for 19 years while raisi ng 2 beaut iful daugh ters, all withi n Prote stant churc hes, you' re not a real Chris tian.
* If you cheat ed on your first wife with a rich heire ss, and left your disfi gured wife and marri ed the heire ss the next month , you' re a Chris tian.
* If you teach child ren about sexua l preda tors, you are irres ponsi ble and erodi ng the fiber of socie ty.
* If, while gover nor, you staun chly advoc ate absti nence only, with no other optio n in sex educa tion in your state 's schoo l syste m while your unwed teen daugh ter ends up pregn ant, you' re very respo nsibl e.
* If your wife is a Harva rd gradu ate lawye r who gave up a posit ion in a prest igiou s law firm to work for the bette rment of her inner city commu nity, then gave that up to raise a famil y, your famil y's value s don' t repre sent Ameri ca 's.
* If you' re husba nd is nickn amed " First Dude" , with at least one DWI convi ction and no colle ge educa tion, who didn' t regis ter to vote until age 25 and once was a
membe r of a group that hates Ameri ca and advoc ated the seces sion of Alask a from the USA, your famil y is extre mely admir able.
OK, much clear er now.
* Grow up in Alask
* If your name is Barac
* Name your kids Willo
* Gradu
* Atten
* If you spend
* If your total
* If you have been marri
* If you cheat
* If you teach
* If, while
* If your wife is a Harva
* If you'
membe
OK, much clear
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